Colorado

              It was a hard decision to stay in one place and I was still willing to jump ship. I had gotten back from South America and I applied to 25 jobs or so. They were to several hospitals but no one would call me back. One by one, the jobs were filled. I even went to applying to bar tending jobs. The pay and hard work of bartending wouldn't give me satisfaction as a career and I knew I had to find a nursing job.  I had almost given up and taken a crappy job in Denver when my friend, Alida invited me out to a speed dating event where I met a guy who introduced me to Ricky, my recruiter in a pediatric homecare job. I have never done pediatrics or homecare but I was hired. I started working with a girl with disabilites and I knew this wouldn't be hard. I worked with people with disabilities for years and I missed it. I did look for a job working with disabled kids or adults as well but nothing panned out. It was very frustrating taking this job due to the huge paycut and knowing I wouldn't be working in the hospital. It was also frustrating not being able to get a job in the hospital when I am so qualified. I sat for months without a job. I thought I could get a job easily and couldn't find one at all. When life hands you oranges, make orange juice?! I tried. It was devastating at points. JP visiting really helped lift me up and getting out of the house was therapeutic. The places we went to and adventures we had were amazing and lifted me up. I also got the job just before I went on the trip so I felt better mentally about going on it.
           I applied for several apartments and still haven't found one. This is also very frustrating. The studios and apartments are so expensive. Its challenging to find one that I like. Time will tell. I finally found a furnished one that I really liked. I told the landowner I wanted it and she turned around and said she wanted to do air bnb. Interesting. I was looking for the easy way out. I really should get my own place, my own bed, couch and utencils. It was so homy. She said she might call me next week. Im not holding my breath. I would say this year is rough but it doesn't compare to the crappy year I had last year. I never believed in Chinese astrology but when you are born in a year, you are that animal with certain characteristics. Every 12 years, your year comes and it is supposed to be a hard year. Last year, it was the year of the rooster and I am a rooster. My boyfriend and I broke up, he manipulated me and the loss itself caused us to get back together. I left the state of Arizona to get away from him. I knew the relationship was toxic. He still found a way to hurt me. I cut contact from him completely so he couldn't hurt me anymore. I couldn't find a job after September. My trip to South America was the most challenging trip I took by myself. I got really sick for a month down there when I was alone. I felt like I had dug a ditch and kept digging. I tried to get out of it but couldn't. I did have good times and I did learn alot about myself. The lessons you learn when things go wrong make you realize who you truely are. Most of my friends who were roosters were also having bad years and the agony they went through was alot worse than what I had gone through.
               If life isn't what you want, you have the ability to change it. If you want something else than what you have....relationship, job, friends...you can change it. You have the ability to change things. People don't often change it because they get comfortable or because of fear itself. People fear they can't find another guy...they should just put up with the little crap because they feel they don't deserve better or can't find better. It gets lonely or maybe they don't want to give up the sex. It all plays a part in decision making. I did deserve better and I didn't want to  become that girl who went back to agony. I had to leave the state. It was sudden and I miss Arizona like crazy but it had to be done. The year of the horse is upon us and I know its going to be a better year.  I will find my husband this year. I will move out and live alone and on my own for the first time in my life. I will find the job of my dreams with good pay. I will find friends and go on adventures here in Colorado. There are alot of them and plenty of hikes I can do myself. My fear of going out hiking alone has finally left me. Hiking makes me so happy and there is so much I can do here in Colorado Springs and near Denver. I love it here and I am ok making it my home. I just have to get moving.
             My homecare job doesn't pay near enough what I used to make so I am doing overtime. It takes up most of my time. I think it will be worth it in the end and I am willing to make it work here. Keep your head up...I tell myself everyday. Things will get better. Be happy where you are at. Things are about to change quickly for you and you better hold on tight, or your head will spin. Here we go.